some more

more stories

Wednesday 18^th, just woke up from a little snooze on the shores of Lake Kariba.  This morning got the car serviced, looks like she is running very rich, will keep an eye on her.  Dave step son Franswa and Job help me with my service, nice of them.  Let’s get you guys filled in, got down here yesterday midday, road was not so bad, still seeing a lot of youth/children trying to make money selling from vegetables to clothes at junctions/stops, one could not say they are desperate, because there were always signs of smiles in the crowds. 

Meeting the monkeys was something else; Dave had just explained to me that when seeing the larger monkey that I should refrain from passing anything to him because the monkey would attack me as if I posing a threat to him.  The little bugger had me cornered, hiding behind the worker but made not help, his willy hanging and tongue out and had me at all my moves, I was cornered till Dave got him by his tail and put him in the cage.  It was flipping hilarious, and my heart was pumping.

Dave got a nice personality gave me a nice breakdown about himself, always nice to be with expressive people. His wife was great to me.  This one big farming organization, called Zambeef, plants 2000 hectors under irrigation around by the lake, amazing setup. 

The kindness of staying with people, has been making me feel obliged, not that I am coming empty handed, just so, maybe that voice of mine called the ego- been reading this book Sharlet gave me leaving Jhb it’s making me think, its making a difference in explain the actions and reactions of my past behavior, putting some smiles of peace within my heart and across mu face.  

The only bother is using these words – I – MYSELF – ME – YOU KNOW – I KNOW and so on, thanks Sharlet will always remember the peace you have offered, when giving me this book --- A New Earth by Echkart Tolle, and thanks to Echart’s wisdom.

Went out for a little fish with Dave, all we got were some big nocks and our lures spat back to us, with a splash to finish.  I played Monopoly with the boys, Franswa and Dave, got my ass whipped.  I am grateful for these guys hospitality but I am not going to stay with folk in a hurry, I tend to feel obliged as I said.  The strange thing they liked me so much, that even the wife begged me to stay more, and come and visit again, amazing that little voice in my head always telling me otherwise, and most times its negative. But being aware is the first step to dealing with it. 

Got up early this morning, packed the car, had breakfast with the folk, good energy, they enjoyed my company and that makes me feel good.  I must just love myself allot more, and not be so hard onto myself.

Started this little journey towards side road around the lake, it was not long before I started to panic every bridge was washed away and the further I was driving they were just getting worse.  I eventually got to this so called camp, I should have maybe read it properly, wild camping.  There was nothing to see, just bush and the worry of running into a dead end, all my Garmin was telling me to do a u turn after 13 Km, and the roads really started looking bad. Did not wait for the Garmin to instruct me, just did the u turn and I was on way back on the road I came on, what a pity, I was so keen to do the road. 

Got to this small town Monze, and staying on the farm 12km out, it has a great campsite, met two other guys, form a Cape Town, a farmer George and car salesman Leon.  The farmer saw his ass, down a ditch, they just sort off come from Malawi, will check up with them were the fuck they are off too.  Leon even asked me if I was gay, maybe he was looking for shag tonight.

Tomorrow will be heading into Lusaka, got to do some down loading onto the PC, thing went corrupt rolled back to my last setting, which screwed up my antivirus and Map Source.  But the good thing I was telling my little voice in my head to stop irritating and that I should not worry because I know what to do. I think the kids were on the pc, little shits because Franswa asked me out of the blue if I was on Face Book, or it my paranoia. 

Need to get some petrol filters because I got the wrong ones, buy a trunk for the back packing in my car, and sort out the engine protector unit I had installed for early warning for oil pressure and overheating.

Rolled into Lusaka today all good, first stop Eureka Camping then Toyota.  Found the 1 filter will get another one in the morning.  Come to a nice big mall in Lusaka, all the shops available.  At the coffee shop Kilemanjaro doing my internet stuff, at least this connection is a lot faster than Chobe.  Just seen Kampersky is update, happy again, know I can do map source, upgrade.

Met this Zambian form Lusaka the first time in Livingston, and know in Lusaka, name is Dominic one of those lucky folk to have been educated in the UK sounds just like a pom.  Just trying to keep myself patient with the connection, I hate waiting for thing to happen, computers.

Had great service form the workers in the coffee shop, got to go back and finish some other work and add this to my blog.  I will heading up north and will fill every one with some more information. 

Felt a little tense, it must be that little voice in my head trying to ooozz my thoughts.  My bread has worked out so kiff tonight, put my small potjie lid into the big one and drop the bread on the middle of the lid; it works so well on the gas. 

Had these South Africans behaving so badly, mine workers no respect for others in the camp site, they really don’t know even how to speak to their workers.  Had this shit sleep, got the fuck out of there will not come back to that camp site ever again. 

At Toyota waiting for my filter, and going through my wordings for the blog, had doing it but trying to keep sort of englesheeeee.  Just heard that my filer has not arrived or left on the delivery vehicle, going to try find some pirate filter, I here there are some big spare shops, hopefully find some pirate filters.  Still need to go and complete may Map Source update and leave the city back into the bush.

All good eventually after trying to find petrol filters, thank God went back to Toyota and mine arrived, ready for the north.  Changed the boxes, bought a bag, and soldering iron and in the mix.  Feeling a lot better everyone has been so helpful, are we not blessed.  Met a lady in the queue, know Andrew Taylor asked her to send regards from Fatty, code name.

My download is going so slow, hopefully will speed up, getting some more money into the mix so we stay in touch with the site.

Mpika is my destinations, for the moment hot water pools, need some deep soothing moments, physically and mentally.

Sometimes we think progressive the way we have been in the capitalist world, get to the top in what you doing, make yourself feel that you are in charge, why should one feel that this the way forward is recognized with the word - achievement.

We see ourselves trying to find peace with ourselves and others the older we get if we see the chances that life gives us, for sometimes we lived roped up in this little world of ours. The books that I got form Sharlet and Lilly tell us the story of internal freedom, the way I might interpret in our daily language as midlife crises, but do we ever really do anything about it?  We find new partners, jobs, cars, friends and then more emptiness.  The journey ahead of me, wish for peace and love.

With that I hope, inner fulfillment will happen, so when I smile it never stops.  This blog is great sharing moments that we experience and we need to understand.  My ego is getting unhappy with my we we we we,  we getting the better of him.   

Just met guru, the Indian from the states, been on the road for 3 years a mate for the future.

no more using and more

Just got dropped off at home by Alison Shentone, it was so good to see her, since Rex’s 40ies at Jungle Junction on a Zambezi island. The funny thing earlier today Grubby, mentioned the right person to help guide me around Zambia would be Ali, and I haply mentioned that I knew her.  I am so happy that she has made her decision to move to Portugal to start a new life, and let’s not forget that her daughter is looking just as sweet as mom.    

I have realized that I don’t have a place amongst substance users.   During my years of using I always blended in amongst the other sad and happy using spirits, as we always contributed to one another’s weaknesses.  Tonight I really felt good standing up to a few stoned and drunk folk and spoke out amongst them, mentioning that maybe I were not  in the right place, associating with them.  I am so proud of myself for what I achieved tonight, I am finding some self-respect.  

Blaming or pointing out something to a third party, is not my achievement, the choice of associating with energy that is conducive for me to have good vibes.  My heart has always been in a good place even at my lowest point of life, I was always able to share love with others. 

Emotions I have found hard to control, I use to think it was my Greek blood, but sure the use of drugs, mixed with emotionally baggage added to the flow of emotional expression.

These are parts of my personality that I have to learn to change without hurting anyone around me.  My emotions and thoughts have been a lot more manageable over the past few months whilst being clean from substance abuse. This understanding that I am experiencing, is giving me hope that one day I may find peace within myself to love every part of myself.

Today Wednesday 12^th was so cool Grubby Bart came down to Zig Zag for breakfast, what a cool chap that Grubby.  Gave me 100 dollars for my compressor, which I am grateful for after letting me stay here for the past 3 days and use his internet and various luxuries.  Whilst having breakfast met another mate a local, has a house boat not far when Bart camp and has invited us for a night to his boat, and they have organized for me to go down to for a fishing trip on Lake Kariba, and will be staying with Davie.  These expats are just so helpful with one another, makes life so cool getting around these parts of town. They reckon that the tiger fish they are catching are all bigger than 4.5kgs, it going to be something good.  The guys have advised me to take down, 500ml oil and 20 l gas and I will be welcomed, but I will phone them the day before arrival, offering if there was anything specific they would be looking for down there. 

Alison Shenton was so helpful, putting me into contact with a lot of school mates the whole way up to Tanzania, which is going to be very helpful, for staying with and in case of emergencies.  

I am so lucky to have connected with her, this town will surely will miss this vibrant women. 

We got down to Bart home/construction site on the banks of the Zambezi; things are really nice down here, besides the wind that’s blowing rather strong.

Tobby that is Bart’s foreman treated me to some pap Zambian style, just the way he offered water in a cup to wash my hands that gave me a humbling moment. 

The moment that I’m expressing, is something I have had regularly experience during my working environment back home in South Arica.  These moments have made me feel like being a part of life.

Finding birds for my Newman’s book of birds, I have not been doing so badly, just need to get a feel of the index, have some confidence to make the sightings.

Got my first pot bread on the fire yesterday and it was very nice, just a little raw.   The next few breads, that will be baking will be made from my wonderful imagination.  Bart got this kiff stew together, we ate ourselves dik, after all that bread we consumed.  Not long afterwards rolled off to sleep, and was a lot possible because the wind had died down, but the night was cold. 

My sleep has got a lot better over the past few weeks, having some good rest.  Got up this morning freezing, could hear the generator start up, and shovels moving crushed stone.   Bart was out there amongst his guys, not long afterwards, having his morning joint with a cup of Greek coffee I brewed for him. 

Today has been the same, reading a bit of every book, I have with me so that my concentration levels keep boosted with new information and approaches. 

The days are being nice to me, allowing me to reading and soak up sun, no one in his right mind would complain.  Thanking my karma for giving me this.  There are friends, that are in my thoughts, as pose, it is natural to miss good folk that a part of your life.  Once I get back to Grubbs, home on Sunday, will get connected and let them know how I feel, but will phone my mom, just to remind her is my one special person, and she is in my thoughts.   Spoke to the old lady, I am so blessed to feel her love, I really dig her so much, if there is any good in me its form her. 

Looks like our plans for the house boat is off, so just chill here till Monday, and drift threw to Livingston, then to Kariba, Bart is on about a game farm just outside Livingston, that should be looked at, on my way through, chill Peter you have plenty of time.

Mixed the bread mix again, hoping for better results, not to say the last bread was bad, and just looking for baker’s perfection.

    

The house boat came together.

How nice is the peace on the Zambezi, on a house boat, warming with the day. Into my second cup of coffee, feeling great listening to some tunes.  Fishermen paddling out to the nets, some youngsters learning their trade, one would think children should be children; life does not have everything for us as it should be.  Maybe we should have stayed doing what they are doing, instead speeding up our lives, know we are trying to slow them down, funny hay. 

Andrew, mate of Grubbs and Bart’s, it’s his house boat.   Zambia has been so good to me, have been hosted like a king, and slept like an angel.

Just said cheers to the Italian folk, how nice and warm they are, must visit that country some time.  Everyday being amongst these folk are making my stay just like if it was my home.  Listening to these guys talk business makes me feel so content with the disunion of changing my life path, and studding psychology so that I may explain my thought, without prejudice and too much emotion.  I am sure I will be able to contribute to small and medium business, either for management or staff basic working energy.  We had such a great time on the house boat soaked up allot of sun.  Seeing how many people make their living on the river it’s amazing, so many fishermen fishing with nets, and rods.  Ollie this other Kiwi had his son Randel with us, the young boy of 5 was just hauling in the fish.

Monday the 16^th chilling just outside Livingston, on a small game farm, very nice owned and managed by two ladies.  I’m the only camper quite nice after all these busy weeks of socializing.  They have managed to domesticate some Eland buck, planning to make some feta cheese, which sounds rather interesting being a Greek.   Grubby organized me the stop over, they asking 50 dollars for the night, find it very expensive but am not going to make a fuss after all that Grubby and Bart haves done a lot for me, I will just pay it from my bottom of my heart.   On the way here today, one can see the Chinese influence, good for them all involved building roads, and they say they are involved big time in the mining industry. 

Just sprayed myself with insect repellent, started to feel like I was elevating form the legs, up.  Going to shutdown curl I, need some good sleep for tomorrow little drive.  

My little mouse departure

Moffi and Cousi looking on my late friend form the Botswana Pans 

I thank him for not hiding form me, and may he rest in peace.

Livingston 12th Augst 2010

Livigston at Grubby's

Bart and Ollie

Just woke up sitting on this porch, enjoying the freshness of this beautiful garden, Grubby’s home is so fine, it this old Norwegian/Colonial styled home in the middle of Livingston. Grubby is crazy sweet New Zea-lander that has been living out her since 1989, own a white river water rafting business called Raft Extreme.  Just jumping a little, these Zambian folks are so nice, there is just another feel about them, they have such open smiles and a nice walk about them.  Since I have been out here this morning I have been made felt at home.  Bart just surfaced, this man is unbelievable, drank like a sinking battle ship, and is floating this morning as if he had not taken any liquids in the night before.   In our days at school there were always guys who lived out here in Zambia, thinking about it they were chilled out, just a lucky go bunch. 

Know that I have slowed down feeling the moment; I am going to back track a little and get yesterday, feeling and actions on and into place.

Yesterday started off with a lots of excitement, I was moving on over the Zambezi river into Zambia, Rex suggested that I leave on Monday or when Bart would come back from Livingston back to his river camp, knowing what I experienced yesterday I am happy I was shown Livingston though Bart/Grubby. Got started packing early in the morning, with the little Kelly girls, helping me in some way or another?  Bettina fixed us a nice homely breakfast, and I got the rest of the packing together, kisses / hugs, and we were off to the River for some fishing before I was going to cross over to Zambia.  Amy went to sleep and so it was just only Megan to accompany us, his little girls are like little bush babes.  Rex got a mate Kevin to meet us at a river bank, and we were on our way fishing. There were nothing happening trawling, so went through to the rapids, tied up onto the bank and we all got our lines into the water.  Kevin and his mates, got worms onto their lines, and Rex and I got lure whizzing up and down the rapids.  The other guys got a few barbells, and we managed to catch nothing, besides fresh air and some sun. Megan fell into the river, off the side, she did well, and soon afterwards she was full of smiles again. 

Not long after that Rex, Megan and I were dropped off at the bank, with the meeting of a snake and a hotel worker throwing stones with meaning.  Rex managed to get the snake to move on before it was knocked by a stone. 

Headed off to the boarder, got there at about 3.30pm, everyone was relaxed, can’t blame them it was Sunday.  I am not practicing what I always told myself, keep calm and that was already not happening, but eventually got through the Botswana border, onto the pontoon, and was floating towards Zambia.

My mood was changing rather fast, with a few Zambian hustlers trying to be of serves, clever fucks.  I was starting to boil, I could not even enjoy cruise across the Zambezi.  The border went of nicely, with willing and helping folk, till I got out of to find my way to Beuro de change.  My mates were back hustling me again, my fault I was allowing them to get to me.  I must learn for my travel forwards, not to take notice and watch my back. Thank God a lady immigration officer told me, when I get my third party come insurance permit, I should make sure the documents had small print on the back of it.  As true as nuts, it was happen, they were trying to give me one of their home made document.  I was so keen to lean into them, and was not helping my karma. I eventually was helped by a truck driver, and things went rather sweetly, and I was seen out of the border with the help form a customs guy that helped with a Toll fee, I felt so good I was on my way, and feeling rather, happy. 

Took a drive into town, things are looking so nice, they have done so much with this town, so clean and happening.  The Shoprite has made such a change to the town; it’s like walking into one of centre back home, but with feel of appreciation.

Just been explained the meaning of wake and bake, have joint, it makes so much sense, that is all you do is bake and get nothing done.  I say I am so happy that I have stopped baking myself, I’m  enjoying this free and fresh mind space I have in my life at the moment, and hope there won’t be any more waking and baking in my life.

Seeing old Grubby, getting worked up in his world of work, I thank my gods, for the peace I’m having with no staff members and general business challenges.  I should not sound ungrateful, staffs have meant allot to me over the years, giving me pure feeling of appreciations, humbleness, and love.  They have helped me to relies life is possible without a lot of material wealth and many more other things.

These guys just piss it up the whole day.  Yesterday I was even asked to roll a joint by one of these guys, almost thinking that my clean time, has to do with my fear of drugs, dame write, drugs make you into a fool.  Looking at them makes me feel that I have done the right thing to stop using. 

What happening in the past few days, that I am trying to find a balance, is with prejudgment of others, that I come into contact with; I need to carry on my step work, once I start chilling out? It will happen, patients. They say we should always make time for a bit of step work every day.  I will try to apply myself a little tonight, it has passed it will have to be this morning. 

Looking at some of these street hustlers, explain why our country has it crime problems, one should be really proud of where we come from, our world is so much easier to survive, with all our infrastructures we have in place.  We just have to get our rugby into action, because there are a lot of kiwis around and they like to make cunts of us. 

Got up early this morning trying to down load Map Source upgrades, because yesterday the line kept dropping. I am in the mix, looks like this upgrade has stopped my program from freezing up, just have to make sure I don’t lose the baldly thing, or get lynched some ware on my trip, and come back home again with only the close on my back.

Bart and his mates have gone out looking for action; we will have to see when they will get back if they do at all.  Recon going to take the bicycle ride into town, feel the streets of Livingston, on two wheels.

All forms of security guards float around with AK 47, just if it was like the Wild West.  Fishing is the next biggest things after smoking a joint or getting pissed for all these white guys I have met, work only get done after all that has be spoke or taken place.  It is rather strange sitting around lot goof balls, funny enough I am still cooked, and enjoy allot of the moments.  Like I told Rex that one has to change when they have children, otherwise the confusion they would receive emotionally would not be fair. There I must say Rex and Batina are champions at that, you can just see it in their kids.

At Grubby home a whole lot of folks are camping in the garden.  They are volunteers that travel around the area, I a great big buss giving free literature to all the kids.  The amazing thing I that they even paying for their stay whilst doing this service of love.  There are so many good folk out there and they should be blessed.

These white boys and girls remind me of what I use to be, goof ball and I am so glad I am going forward with light around my thoughts and feelings.

Love you for the moment, later will catch up again when I get into internet zones.

Love

Sweetness

Hi guys, little bad news herd my nephew’s uncle John, committed suicide at his folk’s home.  Shame he was suffering from schizophrenia for many years, but played an important role by filling the home with his peaceful presence and concern for others.  The blessed Dad is 89 years old and still keeps his Dr rooms going.  I just hope God gives him strength to keep his family together with the love he has shown us over the years.  Mu nephew Cubby and George, had a second home with their grandparents, I am sure George presence with the family at this moment in time, will give them strength.  George has a lot of his grandfather’s beauties that we see him share over the years with us all.  May life let us who have lost Paul rest in peace, and Paul as well may find the same peace he shared with us when he was with us.

Amy Rex

I was exposed yesterday to being a bit angry, concerning bank related issues, but I did not let it cloud my emotions for too long.  I must say keeping myself aware that I should have a peaceful approach with my negative experiences that I come across daily, has helped me find ways to let them go, quicker.  This is a process I will be working on over the years and I am going to find the techniques, and answers to avoid any negative spiritual influence with my ways.

Went to this school play here in Kasane, just so beautiful to see how they managed to pull off an Oliver Twist in an open theater.  I was really humbled to see how the folks are peace together, this is the amazing process we are also experiencing in South Africa, and culture’s uniting.

This should make the queen proud of behavior; after all they colonized these parts of Africa. 

Fishing yesterday, was so cool; I landed 3 fish to Rexes 1.  I seem to have the upper hand when it comes to fishing, over the past few days. The river was so beautiful, watching the sunset and trawling for Tiger fish. 

Quite funny watching some mates getting rather high and not participating, this clean time I am enjoying is allowing my emotions to flow a lot more peacefully.

Spent 5^th August in the bush, with a bunch of young students, form the States, a rather noise and juicy bunch.  Rex my mate really runs a nice setup.  Got some great pictures on Giraffes males having a little tussle, something I have never seen before them do.  The next best thing was four lions that ended our day with a high.  During the evening had some Elephant chewing behind my tent, and some big roars, which I thought were Baboons, but happened to be Leopard male crossing the camp. There was also some type of badger going through the entire bottles most of the night.  Must say that did get me worry whilst lying in my tent and I praying for daybreak, not really just nervous.   

We got up early in the morning to drive   and drop the guest back at the ferry and hopefully see some more game; we still managed to see some Hyenas, at the most amazing of all was this Leopard in the tree, got great pictures, will post some on the site.

Sitting here at Safari Lodge and enjoying a cup of coffee, catching up with my blog that I will be positing later this afternoon. 

I felt a little awkward with another guy last night, some of his behavior skills, ticked me off.  That is some of my recovery that I need to find peace with, and stop assessing others; before I have total rejections form them.  There are good folk out there that have their own insecurities, just like me so I should not panic, just be happy and patient with some of their social mannerisms that they don’t have or don’t know how to share amongst others.  This is the freedom that I am looking for, and hope life will grant me wisdom, to find peace within my social skills. 

My new highlight is with a mice is living in my car.  The little buggers a eating and shitting out everything they get the little teeth on to.  I tried all the shops in town for rat-ex, to ice these little shits.  Going to set a trap for the little shits, and have them sooner or later.  I know I don’t have a traveling partner but not going to settle for mice.  Chilling outside in the yard, the weather is great and feeling like I am going to enjoy the heat of the continent in the next month or so.  Planning to go for more fishing, in the morning and then will departing to for Zambia, to stay with
Bart that will be fine in fun.  

Sweet Goddaughter Ela - One of KC back home

Pic that make us smile Chobe River and Park

6th August 2010

Chobe National Park, Rex and some Janks

Big Boys Buisness

4th August 2010

To biggish Tiger 

6th August 2010

Nice Female Leopard

Some nice pictures

Magadigadi Pans Botswana

Chobe/Botswana - good times - love is beautiful

Rolled in on Sunday 1^st, had driven form Planet Baobab about 60km form Nata, there is road works all the way up into Kasane.   This town has grown so much since the last time I was here.  I headed into the direction of their home, trying to recognize the road that they lived in, there it was after a few patient minuets.   I lay into my hooter gently and there popped Rex out with a warm smile, I we all know him.  His dogs barking and strangely waging their tails must be a new breed Rex is developing. 

I arrived just in time for lunch and river outing for fishing, at a mate’s home.   There were a large crowed of folks, won’t try remember their names.   The water was very choppy, and could see white horses just forming on the top of the waves. Rex wanted to take me down the river to where Bart was camping out on the Zambia side of the river, were his new job venture was taking place of building this fishing camp for these other guys.  Rex got me onto the phone with him, it was so good to hear his voice, always full of naughtiness, when I told him that we were worried to come down the river because of the bad waters, I was instructed to tell Rex to load some cement into the hull, and stop being a chicken  and get down there.  That is Bart that I remember form the first time I met him. 

We eventually took the boat out, up to the Botswana and Zambia border crossing and put some lures into the water and circled a little island, it was not long before, we both onto fish, but I was the only one to land it, Rex’s one spat him off when is jumped out of the water.  I still kept the hopes hi by landing another, they were not so big but made it worthwhile. 

The past few days, have been great with their great hospitality, and see Rex shining in his business; he is blessed with lots of peace and love. Having his little Megan at my cottage door, every morning, just fills my day full of love. And soon afterwards I get the amazing energy from Aimey, she is just like a ball of love.  Batina and Rex are just blessed with these amazing children, and let me not forget how blessed I am by having friends that one feel the love they are having.  I always said, we don’t have to own to have love, love is something we all have as long as we allow it to flow we shall receive.

Looking around me, even in this little town there are hardships, business, loved ones and health.  This makes me so grateful the way life has dealt with me, that’s why I have always said that hard time are ways of making us better people.  I am on this journey of becoming a better person, and hope I will find the peace to all more of it to fill me. 

This journey of mine is to see and appreciate love wherever I may find it, may it be through sounds, visual or physical contact, and as long as it touches my heart I will feel that I am on the right path. I am so lucky that during this change of life I have had since admitting that I have no control of my addictive personality, I have not separated myself from fiends of the past, I respect their way of their lives, and thank God I have never thought that the problem was with them, but rather that I was the problem.  I think a large reason for someone’s relapse, can come from trying to run from their past, we should try understand it rather than just cut it off.  If we were just to cut it off we would find ourselves lonely without friends, and total regret of our whole life up to that moment, and that could make us finding our old friends by going back to using, instead of stop blaming others, relies using is part of society way of release, and that we were not possible to control our using, and found life depressing and lonely.  Thank God for the love I received from my mother and friends that have made me who I am.  My heart has been my biggest form of strength, it guided me threw my ups and downs.  I am in the process of teaching myself, some techniques that others use to find harmony within them, I am much existed to be looking for help to make one a better person, but will leave my heart be the ruler of my decisions.

I have been in been on the road for almost 2 weeks, and this is the second day that I feel I am finding time to unwind on my journey. I hope I can get to a point in my life that, I find that serene space of being at peace with every moment of my life.  The one thing they say at the NA is that, if you hang around in a barbers shop, you will land up with a haircut.  So what I am going to follow is peace so I may land up with peace.  I always enjoyed my business days, but always found reason for complaining, I think that came with all the negativity I was putting into myself by using all sorts of substances.  I have a long journey to unwind but an so grateful for the chance I have received. 

I will be expressing myself about my freedom I am feeling without using, for this is my journey of my life at the moment.  The other thing is that I hope my writing and content will be appealing so that others will follow my journey of feeling freedom, and if they don’t I have at least put myself out there instead of building this journal for my own little self.  Sharing this on a blog, may touch others, or help them to share their little bits of their understanding of themselves.   

 Rolled in on Sunday 1^st, had driven form Planet Baobab about 60km form Nata, there is road works all the way up into Kasane.   This town has grown so much since the last time I was here.  I headed into the direction of their home, trying to recognize the road that they lived in, there it was after a few patient minuets.   I lay into my hooter gently and there popped Rex out with a warm smile, I we all know him.  His dogs barking and strangely waging their tails must be a new breed Rex is developing. 

I arrived just in time for lunch and river outing for fishing, at a mate’s home.   There were a large crowed of folks, won’t try remember their names.   The water was very choppy, and could see white horses just forming on the top of the waves. Rex wanted to take me down the river to where Bart was camping out on the Zambia side of the river, were his new job venture was taking place of building this fishing camp for these other guys.  Rex got me onto the phone with him, it was so good to hear his voice, always full of naughtiness, when I told him that we were worried to come down the river because of the bad waters, I was instructed to tell Rex to load some cement into the hull, and stop being a chicken  and get down there.  That is Bart that I remember form the first time I met him. 

We eventually took the boat out, up to the Botswana and Zambia border crossing and put some lures into the water and circled a little island, it was not long before, we both onto fish, but I was the only one to land it, Rex’s one spat him off when is jumped out of the water.  I still kept the hopes hi by landing another, they were not so big but made it worthwhile. 

The past few days, have been great with their great hospitality, and see Rex shining in his business; he is blessed with lots of peace and love. Having his little Megan at my cottage door, every morning, just fills my day full of love. And soon afterwards I get the amazing energy from Aimey, she is just like a ball of love.  Batina and Rex are just blessed with these amazing children, and let me not forget how blessed I am by having friends that one feel the love they are having.  I always said, we don’t have to own to have love, love is something we all have as long as we allow it to flow we shall receive.

Looking around me, even in this little town there are hardships, business, loved ones and health.  This makes me so grateful the way life has dealt with me, that’s why I have always said that hard time are ways of making us better people.  I am on this journey of becoming a better person, and hope I will find the peace to all more of it to fill me. 

This journey of mine is to see and appreciate love wherever I may find it, may it be through sounds, visual or physical contact, and as long as it touches my heart I will feel that I am on the right path. I am so lucky that during this change of life I have had since admitting that I have no control of my addictive personality, I have not separated myself from fiends of the past, I respect their way of their lives, and thank God I have never thought that the problem was with them, but rather that I was the problem.  I think a large reason for someone’s relapse, can come from trying to run from their past, we should try understand it rather than just cut it off.  If we were just to cut it off we would find ourselves lonely without friends, and total regret of our whole life up to that moment, and that could make us finding our old friends by going back to using, instead of stop blaming others, relies using is part of society way of release, and that we were not possible to control our using, and found life depressing and lonely.  Thank God for the love I received from my mother and friends that have made me who I am.  My heart has been my biggest form of strength, it guided me threw my ups and downs.  I am in the process of teaching myself, some techniques that others use to find harmony within them, I am much existed to be looking for help to make one a better person, but will leave my heart be the ruler of my decisions.

I have been in been on the road for almost 2 weeks, and this is the second day that I feel I am finding time to unwind on my journey. I hope I can get to a point in my life that, I find that serene space of being at peace with every moment of my life.  The one thing they say at the NA is that, if you hang around in a barbers shop, you will land up with a haircut.  So what I am going to follow is peace so I may land up with peace.  I always enjoyed my business days, but always found reason for complaining, I think that came with all the negativity I was putting into myself by using all sorts of substances.  I have a long journey to unwind but an so grateful for the chance I have received. 

I will be expressing myself about my freedom I am feeling without using, for this is my journey of my life at the moment.  The other thing is that I hope my writing and content will be appealing so that others will follow my journey of feeling freedom, and if they don’t I have at least put myself out there instead of building this journal for my own little self.  Sharing this on a blog, may touch others, or help them to share their little bits of their understanding of themselves.   

Feeling the peace

Drinking coffee at Tim’s wrapped in my towel, thinking about how my Blog will grow - Feeling Freedom is going to find its life on this big world of living signals. Just wrote an SMS to Dave, asking for peace. It went like this--- This city Jo-burg is crazy, just like us. Missing your good energy and love, regret what happened and find place in your heart for peace.  Ps:  miss your ----- flashing.  Did not get a response, form him I will just have to deal with it, and relies that he is to hurt or just become a thick skin of a person.  I will have to see in the future, if he will find some kindness in his heart to realize that he was the reason for the fall out.  I think I have done everything one could do, and I will have to move on with peace.   Today was such a nice day, eaten well and got lots of hugs and praises form friends for my clean time.  The guys were smoking weed and drinking lots of beers.  I could enjoy myself without any of that. That feels so good; I just hope I can manage to stay of substances for good.

Spent the afternoon with Marc, Lily and Tim, it was really nice, great company.  It’s amazing how life has blessed us with our off springs. Seeing Marc and Lily little one’s / big one’s makes me smile.  I who have not had the honor of having my own children, it is KC and Ella.  I have always appreciated the innocents that children have with them, life is so powerful. Keeping up the family bonds, Maria my sister two older boys, are just like my boys, I have built such a lovely understanding with them.  Cubby is living in the States, so we have lost a little contact, but George and I relationship has just grown and makes me proud to be an uncle/brother.  Spent some lovely time with Sue, Bruce, Ella and the rest of the immediate family, Jerry Franklin and the Zulu Stars were performing in Melville and we were supporting and blessed to be together.

Tomorrow is the big day, heading out of the concrete jungle, into the country.  I am so lucky and blessed.  Funny met a guy at Toyota spares that was also clean for many years from using mind altering substances, the connection was rather spiritual.  It’s always good to be reminded who and what I am, Living addict, but what to be straight not high.

This morning I forgot two things at Tim’s home, toggle for the PC and my water bottle, it makes me want to pull my hair out.  I just keep telling myself, it’s not going to be the first orthe last thing I am going to lose something on this trip or after.   I find thinking realistic when things have gone wrong, makes me feel a lot better.  Trying to get out of Bedfordview was not happening.  I kept on getting back onto the same freeway, as if I was not meant to leave town.  I punched in Limpopo and somehow I put in as way point, within ten minits I was back in the same spot (arrived at destination), I was praying for blessing to get out of here. I was losing the plot by know.

I eventually managed to see Pretoria road sign, I started to feel better.  The next strangest thing that happened went through a toll road, about 60km from Pietersburg and was stopped by a traffic cop.  Looked at my license asked me to press break and was about to send me on my way, and I then asked a reassuring question, were do I turn off for the Botswana Border?  Do a U turn and go through the Toll Gate, and up the ramp.  Just spent R32 to enter the Toll, be stopped by a cop, R32 to go back threw the Toll and R10 to go up the slip way of the main Toll, kept telling myself to let it because worse things could happen.  The road is good, the bush is dry, and I was getting chilled by being on a country road.

Stopped at Bushman Lodge, about 25km form the Boarder (Gobblers Bridge border crossing), Started packing things out, finding new order in my vehicle, not long before the sun was down, scrubbed, ate and slept.  Got up the next morning, with battery control buzzing at about 5:30 am, the roosters were keeping the choirs in the back ground.  Made a coffee, and got back into bed writing my journal, sitting in my rooftop tent.  This little TV tray I got from Marc is working so nicely, I am going to get lots of writing don in my tent on this road trip.  Brought the wrong sheets, with me, will buy some in Maun when I get there, in the next few days and definitely a water bottle, things are going to get hotter want to be prepared.  Going to look at my Map source and plan my days, drive.  Speak to you later.  

Tuesday 27^th July, crossing into Botswana could have not been better welcomed at the border crossing. The sun is very proud out here; I am getting my olive color back again, feeling like a road runner.  My Garmin/Tracks for Africa is dodgy – will practice in the morning so I don’t get myself lost, I need to trust that silly thing.

Got to the Kuba Island, is so peaceful out here.  I will move my campsite in the morning just to the corner of the island, nice view over the pans,  and will spend the next day, relaxing and doing what I have been waiting for --  CHILLING -   Will put my portable shower to the test, since there are no showers this time, they got blown down.  My brother Basil and came here a few years back, loved the place and promised to visit again.  The same lady is still working here, did not remember me, pity I thought she would.   The wind has died down and just writing a little in the outdoors , how sweet is that. Tomorrow is going to be special, chilling in one spot, going to do a bit of my NA work, very important, for me, taking control of my emotions and strengths. Who would have dreamt that I would be writing in a journal, and even going to let be alive in a blog.  I can hear the mosquito’s I am out of her.

I could have not asked for a better day, slept well, I really needed the rest.  Got into some reading and played around with Map Source, this is the program that works together with Tracks for Africa. Went for a bicycle ride around Kubu Island which borders the Sowa Pans, remember I am still in Botswana, because I nearly forgot.  

Soon afterwards I was invited to lunch by Karl, the neighbor camper, I accepted with appreciation; met the rest of folk. There was Lourens, Philip, Andrea, Karl, Inya, Eve this sweet old lady.  The peace I felt amongst these guys was just amazing; the willingness to get one another to help me with my computer/ Garmin problems was jut amazing.  Lourens the older brother of Andrea and Philip gave me some music and a whole course to do with peoples life coaching, something like that, latter on the journey I will explain my learning and understandings.  Life has just been so good for me, meeting these folks has given me a spiritual uplifting.  I tried one of the chants, I got form Lourens, to help with meditation, felt like my chest was pounding, rather amazing.  Slept very well, dreamt of late Deon’s mom, and family, weird, but all felt well, so have no bad feelings.  Let him rest in peace and may he guide me in the time in need, because he is out there in a beautiful spirit form.  Love to all that need it and love to me, so I can share it.

Today off to Maun.   Arrived into Maun, staying at the Audi Campsite, met the manger, Roger nice guy.  Looks like I will be staying for two days need to get some booking in town, at the Parks Board, not like the old days one could buy his Park entry fair at the gate.  Going to use my bicycle to get there, make some use of it and get my body into shape.  I have to tell myself I have a lot of time to get around, and I should not rush to get going again.  I have to make sure I get it my hard head of mine, not rush any more, got all the time in the world, and just need to chill out.

Had a strange sleep, got up in the middle of the night with a really tight chest, felt like I was suffocating, and shat myself.  Eventually I managed to get back to sleep. There was so much noise, dogs, cars and other things, had to change plans, no bike ride, had to find another spot. Felt flat, had a few good cups of Greek coffee that put a skip in my step.  Fist stop into town was the tourist office, got help, but not really, just shipped around town to different private office’s  to book for campsites, after my first office looked like finding camping to match my trip through Moremi , Sovotie and Chobie was going to be impossible.  Went for a little shop, in Maun new mall, they even had a Woolworths, rather different to ours, but a start.  In the middle of the floor, a display of Woolworths bread, cheap brown bread.  The staff had another feel to them, a bit of extra training.  When filling up at the Garage, washed my windows with petrol, strange that the water bucket was full of petrol, maybe some of mine, or a car before me.  Know at Planet Baobab, very, nice, my neighbor is George, with a bunch of guests form States and Europe.  His from Zambia, but his company office is in Claremont Cape Town.  These guys’ jobs are so, hectic, drive, talk, cook and many other things.  George really had a nice presence about him, like most good people persons.

So tomorrow I am going for a nice bike ride, all nice and flat around here.  I am sitting in the bar, drinking by diet Coke.  The bar had a nice vibe about, folks from all over the world.

Got up this morning feeling clogged up, these cold mornings are smoothing to get used to, especially sleeping in a tent.  Feeling rather at peace with myself, it’s a world I want to get to understand in it’s really beauty.  Peace is something I always fought to have living in my personality even in the times of achieving business goals.  I learnt something at the NA, hang around a barber shop and you will land up with a haircut.  So I must try that I surround myself with places and challenges of peace full environments.  Hiding will not help me, because understanding is more rewarding.  This morning reading my Just for Today, a NA book, it mentioned to keep writing ones inventory, and that would help us reflect my emotions, I have experienced.  I must say that is exactly what I am going to do, focus on me, because I have almost 26 years of freedom seeking.  That does not mean most of it will be positive, stuff, finding peace were ever I go and what I touch.  Having the honor of working with Black Africans, I have learnt appreciation with real meaning.  My experiences are simplest of things, like a bite of my sandwich, or an old pair of shoes, or just hug.  I never won’t loose, that beauty I have been able to experience, in my life journey till today.  My mother was the anchor of my kindness if you may call it that.  Got let these emotions of mine, go when having feeling people are being rude to me, they just not being rude, most probably  just insecure like I am, just got to relies I can’t change the world, just got to live it.  I must just be like Willy, see the good in most people. 

Was just thinking about the word culture and appreciation, it the cause of most problems in our world today, like before lunch the waitress gave me water out of a calabash to wash my hands, I joked to tell her that I thought she was going to beat me with it, and we laughed.  The sweet lady told me that they would kneel down and do this for the husbands.  I automatically y replied to her, by telling her that one should appreciate sub-subserbcense from women or anyone  for I care, because my MOTHER was taken for granted by our dad in many ways, thanks to our Greek Culture and Orthodox Religion.  

Just had this amazing chat with this security guard, could feel his honorable pride filling the moment.  Spoke about life in general, how his dad use to go to Zambia to get workers, in Zambia to work in South Africa, funny how thing use to happen, thinking how big our work force was but still had to find worker abroad, apartheid was definitely  a big stumbling block for our freedom of peace.  How grateful am I that I can walk on the continent feeling free and proudly South African. Another thing that came out this conversation was to hear that there is good growth amongst smaller parties in Botswana political front.  Good to be amongst tourist again, hearing all the different accents, from all over the world, I am looking forward to the next few years.