Feeling the peace

Drinking coffee at Tim’s wrapped in my towel, thinking about how my Blog will grow - Feeling Freedom is going to find its life on this big world of living signals. Just wrote an SMS to Dave, asking for peace. It went like this--- This city Jo-burg is crazy, just like us. Missing your good energy and love, regret what happened and find place in your heart for peace.  Ps:  miss your ----- flashing.  Did not get a response, form him I will just have to deal with it, and relies that he is to hurt or just become a thick skin of a person.  I will have to see in the future, if he will find some kindness in his heart to realize that he was the reason for the fall out.  I think I have done everything one could do, and I will have to move on with peace.   Today was such a nice day, eaten well and got lots of hugs and praises form friends for my clean time.  The guys were smoking weed and drinking lots of beers.  I could enjoy myself without any of that. That feels so good; I just hope I can manage to stay of substances for good.

Spent the afternoon with Marc, Lily and Tim, it was really nice, great company.  It’s amazing how life has blessed us with our off springs. Seeing Marc and Lily little one’s / big one’s makes me smile.  I who have not had the honor of having my own children, it is KC and Ella.  I have always appreciated the innocents that children have with them, life is so powerful. Keeping up the family bonds, Maria my sister two older boys, are just like my boys, I have built such a lovely understanding with them.  Cubby is living in the States, so we have lost a little contact, but George and I relationship has just grown and makes me proud to be an uncle/brother.  Spent some lovely time with Sue, Bruce, Ella and the rest of the immediate family, Jerry Franklin and the Zulu Stars were performing in Melville and we were supporting and blessed to be together.

Tomorrow is the big day, heading out of the concrete jungle, into the country.  I am so lucky and blessed.  Funny met a guy at Toyota spares that was also clean for many years from using mind altering substances, the connection was rather spiritual.  It’s always good to be reminded who and what I am, Living addict, but what to be straight not high.

This morning I forgot two things at Tim’s home, toggle for the PC and my water bottle, it makes me want to pull my hair out.  I just keep telling myself, it’s not going to be the first orthe last thing I am going to lose something on this trip or after.   I find thinking realistic when things have gone wrong, makes me feel a lot better.  Trying to get out of Bedfordview was not happening.  I kept on getting back onto the same freeway, as if I was not meant to leave town.  I punched in Limpopo and somehow I put in as way point, within ten minits I was back in the same spot (arrived at destination), I was praying for blessing to get out of here. I was losing the plot by know.

I eventually managed to see Pretoria road sign, I started to feel better.  The next strangest thing that happened went through a toll road, about 60km from Pietersburg and was stopped by a traffic cop.  Looked at my license asked me to press break and was about to send me on my way, and I then asked a reassuring question, were do I turn off for the Botswana Border?  Do a U turn and go through the Toll Gate, and up the ramp.  Just spent R32 to enter the Toll, be stopped by a cop, R32 to go back threw the Toll and R10 to go up the slip way of the main Toll, kept telling myself to let it because worse things could happen.  The road is good, the bush is dry, and I was getting chilled by being on a country road.

Stopped at Bushman Lodge, about 25km form the Boarder (Gobblers Bridge border crossing), Started packing things out, finding new order in my vehicle, not long before the sun was down, scrubbed, ate and slept.  Got up the next morning, with battery control buzzing at about 5:30 am, the roosters were keeping the choirs in the back ground.  Made a coffee, and got back into bed writing my journal, sitting in my rooftop tent.  This little TV tray I got from Marc is working so nicely, I am going to get lots of writing don in my tent on this road trip.  Brought the wrong sheets, with me, will buy some in Maun when I get there, in the next few days and definitely a water bottle, things are going to get hotter want to be prepared.  Going to look at my Map source and plan my days, drive.  Speak to you later.  

Tuesday 27^th July, crossing into Botswana could have not been better welcomed at the border crossing. The sun is very proud out here; I am getting my olive color back again, feeling like a road runner.  My Garmin/Tracks for Africa is dodgy – will practice in the morning so I don’t get myself lost, I need to trust that silly thing.

Got to the Kuba Island, is so peaceful out here.  I will move my campsite in the morning just to the corner of the island, nice view over the pans,  and will spend the next day, relaxing and doing what I have been waiting for --  CHILLING -   Will put my portable shower to the test, since there are no showers this time, they got blown down.  My brother Basil and came here a few years back, loved the place and promised to visit again.  The same lady is still working here, did not remember me, pity I thought she would.   The wind has died down and just writing a little in the outdoors , how sweet is that. Tomorrow is going to be special, chilling in one spot, going to do a bit of my NA work, very important, for me, taking control of my emotions and strengths. Who would have dreamt that I would be writing in a journal, and even going to let be alive in a blog.  I can hear the mosquito’s I am out of her.

I could have not asked for a better day, slept well, I really needed the rest.  Got into some reading and played around with Map Source, this is the program that works together with Tracks for Africa. Went for a bicycle ride around Kubu Island which borders the Sowa Pans, remember I am still in Botswana, because I nearly forgot.  

Soon afterwards I was invited to lunch by Karl, the neighbor camper, I accepted with appreciation; met the rest of folk. There was Lourens, Philip, Andrea, Karl, Inya, Eve this sweet old lady.  The peace I felt amongst these guys was just amazing; the willingness to get one another to help me with my computer/ Garmin problems was jut amazing.  Lourens the older brother of Andrea and Philip gave me some music and a whole course to do with peoples life coaching, something like that, latter on the journey I will explain my learning and understandings.  Life has just been so good for me, meeting these folks has given me a spiritual uplifting.  I tried one of the chants, I got form Lourens, to help with meditation, felt like my chest was pounding, rather amazing.  Slept very well, dreamt of late Deon’s mom, and family, weird, but all felt well, so have no bad feelings.  Let him rest in peace and may he guide me in the time in need, because he is out there in a beautiful spirit form.  Love to all that need it and love to me, so I can share it.

Today off to Maun.   Arrived into Maun, staying at the Audi Campsite, met the manger, Roger nice guy.  Looks like I will be staying for two days need to get some booking in town, at the Parks Board, not like the old days one could buy his Park entry fair at the gate.  Going to use my bicycle to get there, make some use of it and get my body into shape.  I have to tell myself I have a lot of time to get around, and I should not rush to get going again.  I have to make sure I get it my hard head of mine, not rush any more, got all the time in the world, and just need to chill out.

Had a strange sleep, got up in the middle of the night with a really tight chest, felt like I was suffocating, and shat myself.  Eventually I managed to get back to sleep. There was so much noise, dogs, cars and other things, had to change plans, no bike ride, had to find another spot. Felt flat, had a few good cups of Greek coffee that put a skip in my step.  Fist stop into town was the tourist office, got help, but not really, just shipped around town to different private office’s  to book for campsites, after my first office looked like finding camping to match my trip through Moremi , Sovotie and Chobie was going to be impossible.  Went for a little shop, in Maun new mall, they even had a Woolworths, rather different to ours, but a start.  In the middle of the floor, a display of Woolworths bread, cheap brown bread.  The staff had another feel to them, a bit of extra training.  When filling up at the Garage, washed my windows with petrol, strange that the water bucket was full of petrol, maybe some of mine, or a car before me.  Know at Planet Baobab, very, nice, my neighbor is George, with a bunch of guests form States and Europe.  His from Zambia, but his company office is in Claremont Cape Town.  These guys’ jobs are so, hectic, drive, talk, cook and many other things.  George really had a nice presence about him, like most good people persons.

So tomorrow I am going for a nice bike ride, all nice and flat around here.  I am sitting in the bar, drinking by diet Coke.  The bar had a nice vibe about, folks from all over the world.

Got up this morning feeling clogged up, these cold mornings are smoothing to get used to, especially sleeping in a tent.  Feeling rather at peace with myself, it’s a world I want to get to understand in it’s really beauty.  Peace is something I always fought to have living in my personality even in the times of achieving business goals.  I learnt something at the NA, hang around a barber shop and you will land up with a haircut.  So I must try that I surround myself with places and challenges of peace full environments.  Hiding will not help me, because understanding is more rewarding.  This morning reading my Just for Today, a NA book, it mentioned to keep writing ones inventory, and that would help us reflect my emotions, I have experienced.  I must say that is exactly what I am going to do, focus on me, because I have almost 26 years of freedom seeking.  That does not mean most of it will be positive, stuff, finding peace were ever I go and what I touch.  Having the honor of working with Black Africans, I have learnt appreciation with real meaning.  My experiences are simplest of things, like a bite of my sandwich, or an old pair of shoes, or just hug.  I never won’t loose, that beauty I have been able to experience, in my life journey till today.  My mother was the anchor of my kindness if you may call it that.  Got let these emotions of mine, go when having feeling people are being rude to me, they just not being rude, most probably  just insecure like I am, just got to relies I can’t change the world, just got to live it.  I must just be like Willy, see the good in most people. 

Was just thinking about the word culture and appreciation, it the cause of most problems in our world today, like before lunch the waitress gave me water out of a calabash to wash my hands, I joked to tell her that I thought she was going to beat me with it, and we laughed.  The sweet lady told me that they would kneel down and do this for the husbands.  I automatically y replied to her, by telling her that one should appreciate sub-subserbcense from women or anyone  for I care, because my MOTHER was taken for granted by our dad in many ways, thanks to our Greek Culture and Orthodox Religion.  

Just had this amazing chat with this security guard, could feel his honorable pride filling the moment.  Spoke about life in general, how his dad use to go to Zambia to get workers, in Zambia to work in South Africa, funny how thing use to happen, thinking how big our work force was but still had to find worker abroad, apartheid was definitely  a big stumbling block for our freedom of peace.  How grateful am I that I can walk on the continent feeling free and proudly South African. Another thing that came out this conversation was to hear that there is good growth amongst smaller parties in Botswana political front.  Good to be amongst tourist again, hearing all the different accents, from all over the world, I am looking forward to the next few years.